TL;DR I’ve seen too many execs puff up by calling people “my VP” or “my project manager.” It’s not ownership, it’s insecurity dressed as power. This red flag screams they won’t develop you because they fear you’ll replace them. Flip the script: Spot it early, and build teams where growth means everyone levels up. Here’s how to spot and fix immature leadership without the drama.
Spotting Immature Leadership
I was in a meeting with this C-suite guy last week. Sharp suit, big title. Then he drops it: “Talk to my infrastructure VP about that.” My. Like he owns the guy. Not “our VP” or just “the infrastructure lead.” Nope, possessive all the way.
Here’s the thing. That one word tells you everything. It’s not confidence. It’s a quiet scream of insecurity. Leaders who talk like this are playing alpha games because deep down, they’re scared you’ll outshine them. I’ve watched it tank teams over and over in my CIO days.
Let me break this down so you see it coming next time.
The Power Play Behind “My People”
Think of it like a kid clutching his toys. “My ball, my rules.” Except we’re adults, and the “toys” are talented people.
This possessive talk isn’t accidental. It’s a flex. A way to mark territory in the room. “See? I control these folks.” But peel back the layer, and it’s fear talking. Fear of irrelevance. Fear someone smarter will climb past them.
I’ve coached execs who do this without realizing. One guy admitted it made him feel bigger in meetings. But it backfired. His team felt like property, not partners. Turnover spiked. Innovation died.
Red flags: If they say “my” more than “we,” watch out. It’s a window into a relationship built on control, not trust.
Why They Can’t Develop Talent
These leaders struggle with growth. Why? Because developing people means risking replacement.
In my Fortune 100 gigs, I always aimed to train successors. If someone could take my job, great. Time for me to level up. That’s succession planning done right. But insecure types? They hoard knowledge. Micromanage. Keep you small so they stay big.
It’s messy. They’ll praise you publicly but block your moves privately. Result? Stagnant teams, burned-out talent. Everyone loses.
Red Flags in Action
Spot this early. Here’s what it looks like:
- Constant “my” references in convos.
- Reluctance to delegate real power.
- Over-the-top name-dropping of “their” reports.
- Defensive vibes when you shine.
I’ve been there. Hired into a role where the boss treated his team like extensions of his ego. Six months in, I bolted. Life’s too short for that noise.
The Burnout Connection
This immature style fuels burnout fast. When leaders grip too tight out of fear, they create toxic pressure. You end up overworked, undervalued, chasing their insecurities instead of real goals. It erodes trust, spikes stress, and leaves you questioning your future there.
Take Action Today
Next time you hear “my VP,” pause. Ask yourself: Is this trust or territory?
If you’re leading, ditch the possessives. Say “our team.” Train successors like it’s your ticket up. Watch morale soar.
Spot it in others? Set boundaries. Push for clear roles. Or walk if it’s chronic.
Until next time!
—Oliver
