TL;DR: We don't just end up with micromanagers by accident. We seek them out because they give us the perfect excuse for our failures. When you're terrified of success and expecting to fail anyway, finding someone to blame becomes your safety net. Here's how to stop this self-sabotage pattern.
Why We Attract Micromanagers in Our Lives
I was sitting across from this VP at a Fortune 500. Third company. Third micromanaging boss. Same exact complaints.
"Maybe it's just bad luck?" she said.
I laughed. Not because it was funny. Because I'd heard this exact line forty-seven times before.
Here's what I've learned after working with hundreds of executives: We don't stumble into these situations. We hunt for them. We seek out the very people who will give us permission to fail.
This VP wasn't unlucky. She was strategic. Just in the worst possible way.
The Perfect Excuse Machine
Think about it. When you work for a micromanager, you get this beautiful built-in excuse. Project fails? "Boss wouldn't let me do it my way." Missed promotion? "They held me back." Career stagnating? "Can't grow under this leadership."
It's genius, really. You never have to face the terrifying possibility that you might actually succeed. Or worse, that you might fail on your own merits.
I watched this woman do this dance three times. Each time she'd pick the controlling boss during interviews. She'd ignore red flags. She'd actually lean into the micromanagement. Then spend two years complaining about it.
One executive told me he specifically chose a notorious micromanager as his boss. Why? "At least I knew what I was getting into," he said. Translation: At least I knew I'd have someone to blame.
The Success Terror Nobody Talks About
Here's the weird part. We're not actually afraid of failure. We expect it. We're comfortable with it. What scares the hell out of us is success.
Success means responsibility. Success means people watching. Success means no more excuses.
I spent fifteen years as a CIO watching brilliant people sabotage themselves this way. They'd seek out impossible situations. Non-winnable scenarios. Bosses who would never let them shine.
Then they'd sit in my office, frustrated, talking about how "if only" their boss would back off.
But when I'd help them transfer to better leaders? Half would find reasons to stay. The other half would recreate the same dynamic with their new boss.
Breaking the Protection Racket
So how do you stop seeking protection from your own potential?
First, catch yourself boss-shopping for dysfunction. When you're interviewing, notice if you're drawn to the controlling types. Ask yourself why that feels safe.
Second, recognize your excuse patterns. Every time you blame your micromanager, write it down. After a month, look at that list. How many of those things were really their fault? How many were yours?
Third, test small wins without permission. Pick one tiny thing you can succeed at without anyone's approval. Then do it. Feel that discomfort? That's growth.
I had one client who realized she'd been choosing micromanagers for twenty years. Twenty. Years. Once she saw the pattern, she couldn't unsee it. She took a role with an hands-off leader. Terrifying at first. But within six months, she'd delivered more than in the previous five years combined.
The Burnout Connection
This constant state of manufactured helplessness is exhausting. You're burning energy maintaining the illusion that someone else controls your fate. You're working twice as hard to stay stuck. The mental gymnastics of blaming others while knowing deep down it's on you? That's a one-way ticket to burnout city. When you finally own your choices, you'll be amazed how much energy you get back.
Your First Move
Look at your current situation. Really look at it. Did you choose this? Not the surface story you tell at happy hour. The real story.
If you've got a micromanager, ask yourself what excuse they're providing you. What failure are they protecting you from? What success are you avoiding?
Then make one decision without their input. Just one. Start there.
Because here's what really matters: The micromanagers will always exist. But you don't have to keep collecting them like Pokemon cards.
Want to dig deeper into breaking these patterns? Let's talk about getting you unstuck. Book a conversation at https://book.drdegnan.com
The truth is, you're way more powerful than you pretend to be. Time to stop hiding behind someone else's dysfunction.
Until next week!
—Oliver
